Perfectionism and Depression

I work in the Financial sector and a while ago I had some time off work convalescing from a small operation. Shortly after I came back, I made a couple of relatively minor errors that were picked up by my boss. I found that really knocked my self-confidence, so that I never properly got back into the swing of things. My state of mind got worse until I was in such a tailspin of anxiety that I was simultaneously desperate to quit my job and terrified of being fired, as I was the family breadwinner. I couldn’t sleep, with calculations about how we would manage financially going round and round in my head. I was terribly grumpy at home – trying to be there for my kids and husband – and found myself paralysed by even the simplest tasks at work. The strain of it all was unbearable and in the end I burst into tears in my GP’s office. She referred me to a psychiatrist who decided that the best thing for me in the long-term would be to stay in the workplace while working with Marla.

I was quite miserable when I came to my first CBT session and not sure that anyone would be able to help me with my problems. But Marla was very practical – she unraveled the various issues and we started with the feelings of anxiety I was having in work situations. She talked me through what would really happen if I did get things wrong or “didn’t know the answer” to a question I was asked – how bad would it be? She also helped me see that some of the time, I was being put in a very difficult situation and it wasn’t fair to expect me to control every aspect of my work world. Quite quickly, I started to be able to manage the difficult situations that had seemed so overwhelming and from there, I went on to build back my confidence and handle the workplace – which continued to be very challenging – in a way that was better for me. I also found that once I “detached” a bit and stopped trying to be “perfect”, I actually became better at my job.

I was on top of things at work within the initial six sessions but I’d found this helpful with my home as well – understanding what was fair to expect of myself and my family – so we carried on working on that.

This was some months ago now and the benefit I got from this therapy has stayed with me, permanently changing the way I think and behave at work, and also improving my relationships with my husband and children.

The most helpful permanent insight for me was learning that just because people seem to expect me to do something, it doesn’t mean it’s fair to expect if of myself. Marla challenged me as a “perfectionist” myself and I am aware now that I also set my standards unnecessarily high.

In terms of the “toolkit”, Marla’s style really worked for me as she gave me “tasks” to do after each session and, however I felt, I took it on as part of my job to do the tasks and see what difference they made. And once I’d done them and felt the benefit, then I was another step further forward. I liked the combination of talking, getting empathy, being challenged when I needed it and then getting some practical actions to work on.

I found this so helpful, I’ve suggested CBT to others I see who get themselves stuck in a similar “hamster wheel” they can’t break out of, and I know that there will be times again in my life, when I need someone else to help me move forward.

JM from the City